A vacation to the French Riviera would not be complete without a trip to St.Tropez. I had the pleasure (so I thought) of spending an afternoon at Nikki Beach St. Tropez with my two close friends (Vicki and Vanessa), along with their 2 friends (Natti and Ang). We decide to make a day trip to St. Tropez from Cannes, France; where we were staying. Intending to celebrate my ‘bachelorette’ with brunch at Nikki Beach St Tropez, we decide to make a day trip out of it … but first we need to get there.
Traveling From Cannes to Nikki Beach St. Tropez
Traveling from Cannes to Nikki Beach St. Tropez, one has a plethora of transportation options. We decide the quickest way is by ferry, which departs from the Port of Cannes. The Port of Cannes is about a 40 minute walk from our AirBnB. Hoping to get an Uber at 9AM to take us to the Port, I open the app, and the closest Uber is 15 minutes away. So… that’s not happening. Our only option now is to speed walk from one end of Cannes to the other to make the Ferry.
We make our way around an obstacle that is the Cannes Film festival; zipping past gaggles of tourists, event stands, and more. I even got mistaken for Kortney Kardashian at one point. About 20 minutes into our walk I am ravenous. I can’t eat, can’t drink, I am basically having a Jesse Spano moment…’There is never any time.’ I am too focused on my phone, navigating our way to the port of Cannes.
The Port of Cannes
Huffing and puffing, we finally make it to the Port of Cannes. Now we need to figure out where to the hell to buy tickets. There are people, cars, and vessels everywhere, guys selling hats, scarfs and what have you nots. I look back and see Natti trying on all the hats. WTF?!?! I get all tiger mom on her and yell “NOT NOW NATTI, GET BACK HERE.” Going from one ferry ticket stand to the next, we finally find the right one. The cost is about $55 per round trip ticket. We get our tickets with 5 minutes to spare; Natti can now go try on those damn hats.
Phew. We make it on board. This was indeed a hell of a way to wake up: sweat, hunger, thirst, shin splints… It’s not even noon, and I look like I have been up for 20 hours. #weathered.
Sailing into the Port of St. Tropez
About an 1.5 hours later, we pull into the Port of St. Tropez, and we quickly disembark onto solid ground. We walk out of the port, right into St. Tropez’s old town. We are in search of a taxi. Thinking we would have no problem finding a taxi at the port, we are wrong. A shop keeper informs us that the taxis are in the middle of town, about a 10 minute walk away. It was 12:15, our reservation at Nikki Beach is at 12:30, and we are at least a 20 minute drive away….speed walking or should I say shin splints here we come again.
We ask about five different shopkeepers, before finally finding the the only taxi in St. Tropez. The taxi driver tells us it will be about $45 to take us 15 minutes over to Nikki Beach. WHAT!?!?! But we have no other options, so we pile in. Some lady tries to jump in the taxi, hoping to share it with us. Sorry Charlie. Ah no…’seat’s taken’. No room for new friends.
The taxi ride takes us out of the old town of St. Tropez through the countryside, passing vineyards, villas, stables and more. It is really beautiful, but there is no time. About 15 minutes late, we finally arrive to Nikki Beach. Not bad. Not bad at all.
An Afternoon At Nikki Beach St. Tropez
It’s about 12:30 in the afternoon, we walk into Nikki Beach and I notice one thing right away. Everything is sooo white. I am talking white floors, white chairs, white cushions, white umbrellas…. F#@K… I am very clutzy, all white is pas bien for moi.
Nikki Beach St Tropez is an amazing venue, almost dream like. The pool was on an elevated platform, with the DJ booth behind, palm trees scattered throughout, with dining to one corner and lounge beds surrounding everything. There are not many people at Nikki Beach when we first arrive, but by 2PM the place fills up.
Amazing Sunday Brunch at Nicki Beach St. Tropez
The purpose for going to Amazing Sunday Brunch at Nikki Beach St. Tropez is to celebrate what I thought was suppose to be my Bachelorette. Silly me, I will soon find out those plans are going to crash harder than Amelia Earhart. Eeeks. Anyway, back to Amelia, I mean Amazing Sunday Brunch…
We are quickly seated at a large table, and ask the host about reserving a pool bed for after. His first option was a corner bed on the ground. Ah No. Nobody puts baby in the corner. I request the elevated bed with loungers. The host informs us that this bed requires bottle service… what do we look like peasants? We will take the bed with bottle service sir. Our rationale is that it will probably be cheaper if we split 1 or 2 bottles max, or so we thought.
So Much Food at Amazing Sunday Brunch
Sunday Brunch at Nikki Beach is indeed an ‘Amazing Sunday Brunch;’ the amount of food you get is insane. I am not joking… Thinking the first course was the whole brunch, but it is just the beginning. There was sushi, salads, eggs, bacon, sandwiches, salmon, chicken and more. It didn’t stop. It is so much. We order a bottle of Rose, which we quickly down. Our waiter asks if we would like another bottle. Deciding to hold off, we replied with ‘We’re good’, which apparently means bring another. Note: just say no. #lessonlearned
I am done after the first course, and just picked at the rest of the food as it came out. Craving bananas or fruit, it was dessert time. The dessert table is filled with cakes and delicious sweets but all I want is fruit. Then I spot it, a banana in a fruit display next to the pastry chef. Clearly it was there just for looks. The chef ready to cut me a slice of cake, looks at me awkwardly when I ask to have the banana, and so do the 20 people in line; all judging the shit out of me. Not only is it weird enough for me to ask for a banana at a table full of cakes, but of course the fruit goes flying when he tries to get the banana out. #andScene
Pool at Nikki Beach
After brunch we head on over to our elevated pool bed. It is elevated, that’s for sure. We struggle so hard to launch ourselves onto the bed. Using a mixture of stepping on the loungers, to pulling and pushing one another; all 5 of us make it up. Being peasants in St. Tropez, we order the cheapest bottle of vodka they had, Absolute. Immediately all possible consequences of cheap vodka run through my head…mainly the next day hangover. Whelp. Big Gulps.
The afternoon starts off pretty relaxing: sipping on our drinks, telling stories, reliving memories, and enjoying the sun. Vicki, pale as Powder, brought her 50% SPF…I’m actually surprised it is not 75 SPF 😉 . Not judging to harshly, I start loading the 50 SPF on my nose; applying it thick, like zinc. I know I am going to burn, but it will not be my nose.
Ready to bronze the bod, I kick off my shoes, and I make the mistake of looking down. I look like a beggar who has been trailing barefoot through dirt and filth. I am quickly banished to the outdoor showers to hose myself down. After the scrub, I soon realize it was pointless; I need to walk down a trail of sand to make it back. Ay yi yi. I need a drink.
As the drinks start flowing, the music finally changes from depressing acoustic music to beats we can beat up. Our waiter is making some strong drinks with our cheap vodka. It’s inevitable this good day will not last. It is only a matter of time. Enter the pool at Nikki Beach St Tropez.
Monstars in the Pool at Nikki Beach St. Tropez
The five of us, drinks in hand, slowly enter the pool at Nikki Beach St Tropez. The temperature of the pool is perfect, not cold but still refreshing. There are maybe two other people in the pool with us. As we throw back our drinks, we start getting louder, and louder, and louder. Just being the true fools we are. We are having a lot of fun: splashing, twirling, jumping.
The only thing we need at this point are bendy straws. Note is nearly impossible to drink your drink in deep water. We set our drinks on the edge of the pool, so when we are thirsty we can just pop up and sip our drinks quickly. This frees up both of your hands, for optimal pool dancing. #problemsolved
We were having such a great time. We make some new friends….and some enemies. Everyone is in a great mood. However this is just the calm before the storm.
Vodkagate. Conspiracy? Some say so.
Apparently we are all bouncing about at Nikki Beach, and Vanessa decides to order a bottle of $250 bottle of vodka for the table without running it by us. WTF? Vicki, being the responsible adult, pulls Vanessa aside to have a talking to. Vicki scolds Vanessa for ordering the bottle without asking the rest of us. Vanessa apologizes and promises nothing like this will happen again.
We go back to dancing and bouncing about Nikki Beach. This is the point when we start to brown out. Spinning around in the pool like a mermaid, I feel like I’m in my own little world. Vicki is jumping in the pool, Vanessa is dancing on the loungers, Natti in the middle of a pack of Israelis, Ang is making friends one shot at a time. Ang and Vicki have acquired a gaggle of new friends, and Natti gets the Israelis to agree to yacht us back to Cannes. Next thing we know a 4th bottle of the $250 vodka arrives at our table. Seriously? This has to be a joke.
Vanessa swears it isn’t her. I go and talk to the wait staff and they all point to Vanessa, and say that she has ordered the 3rd and 4th bottles of vodka. I now go back to her and ask if we can all talk because they keep accusing you.
It very well could have been miscommunication between the staff and us. Earlier we said we were good, as in we do not want more, but they understood it as bring us more.
The situation goes from bad to worse when Vanessa starts going 100% latin angry on the wait staff and me. This resolution is not happening. Vanessa went from defending herself to accusing me of being an awful friend. What the hell just happened?
I keep apologizing to the wait staff in French, ‘desolee, desolee’. Vanessa just keeps attacking me personal shit. I lose my cool and snap on her, in front of everyone.We are screaming at each other in the middle of Nikki beach with everyone watching. #andScene.
The Israelis that are with Natti feel bad and offer to pay the bill. However, neither of us decide to take the higher road, and Vanessa and I continue to scream at one another. The Israelis have too much crazy for one evening and peace out. The staff wants us to also get the effe out. They take the 4th bottle off the bill so we can pay and than we are escorted out.
Kicked Out Of Nikki Beach
Kicked to the curb. The staff at Nikki Beach call us a taxi, they just want us gone; far far away. As we wait for the taxi Vanessa and I start going at it again in the parking lot. Vanessa tries to pull Ang over, and I of course call Vanessa out for being manipulative. Well she doesn’t like this because she gets in my face. I smack he hand out of my face and she loses it. “Brace, Brace, Brace.” I got ready, I thought she was going to hit me back. Yes I should not have touched her in the first place but that finger was a millameter from my face.
The End Of Our Trip to Nikki Beach St. Tropez
The taxi comes and we get in. It is a 2 hour drive from St. Tropez to Cannes. The worst part is that the seats face each other, so now we have to look at each other for 2 hours in the taxi. Sure as shit we start screaming at each other in the taxi.
About an hour into the ride, Vanessa gets up and has her hands in my face. The taxi driver, pulls over in the middle of nowhere and threatens to kick us out if we don’t stop. We simmer a bit, but Vanessa keeps yelling. Im apologizing to the driver in French. Vicki tells Vanessa to stop with the personal attacks. Vanessa snaps on Vicki for taking sides. Vanessa then starts speaking in Spanish to Natti. Vicki is livid at this point, and calls Vanessa out again for being rude. I’m in the corner crying. Angeli, looking like Kyle Richards, is in the corner seat like wtf. Is this an episode of Bravo’s Real Housewives unfolding before us?!
Worst Taxi Ride Ever
Needless to say this was the longest and worst taxi ride ever. When we get back, we don’t even have enough to pay the driver the total of $200. He doesn’t care, he wants to just leave. I apologize to him, and tell Vicki and Angeli that I think it would be best to stay at a hotel.
Vanessa ‘is acting like she’s the queen and we’re the sorry people… I’ve had it… I am packing my bags…’ So I King Curtised out of our AirBnB.